An Assortment of PSU Memories

It would be immensely difficult to summarize what the past four years have meant to me in a single blog post. It’s as if every day a new memory comes back to me, and I find myself wishing I could turn back time and relive these moments one more time. I often get really emotional thinking about these memories, but I also try to embrace the fact that I made the most of my time at Penn State, and there was nothing that I would have changed if I could go back – except maybe the way everything ended! Instead of trying to put everything into one blog, I’m just going to talk about a few moments that come to mind – some big, some small, some in-between – but each meaningful in its own way.

The Four Hour Target Run

It was one of the days right after Schreyer orientation had ended, and a big bus came to Redifer to cart students back and forth to Target to make any forgotten purchases before the school year began (this was before we had our Target downtown). A girl that I had just met and I decided to wait in this enormous line to get on the bus, and then proceed to wait in a three-hour checkout line at Target just to make a measly purchase of 5 or 6 items. On any other occasion my impatience would have made this a miserable experience, but on that day, it allowed me to get to know one of my future best friends and roommate, Natasha.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Riot in Beaver Canyon

It was freshman year, the night that Penn State football won the Big 10 championship game, and a couple of my friends and I were at my brother’s apartment celebrating the game simultaneously with an ugly sweater party. When Penn State won, we rushed to Beaver Canyon – still wearing our ugly Christmas sweaters, of course – and made sure to celebrate the win before the police came in on their horses.

Freshman Year Movin’ On

My friends and I boldly pushed to the front of the hoard of students surrounding the Movin’ On stage, and ended up front row for the main act: Two Door Cinema Club. We had the time of our lives and even the downpour we were caught in on our way back couldn’t dampen our spirits: pun intended.

A Valiant Third Place Committee Finish

One of my favorite Penn State experiences was being on the Production Committee for THON 2018. I just loved my committee members and learned so much from their creativity all year – one such situation was when we competed in the committee talent show with a rap and dance that was created so last minute. It was the cringiest thing you could imagine, but brought us together as a group and set the stage for an amazing experience with PRiSarahtops in Levi’s.

The First Night at the PLA DC Trip

To my class of PLAers – you know what I’m talking about. Tea was SPILLED.

The Walk to the Waffle Shop

One day after we were done our finals sophomore year, two of my friends and I decided to take advantage of a beautiful day and go for a walk. We had no destination in sight and no desired distance, so we just kept walking and talking all the way until the West College Waffle Shop. Never underestimate the healing powers of a long walk on a beautiful day in State College.

The ESPN Cameo

I did Nittanyville with my THON org in the beginning of junior year, and at one point ESPN was there to interview Trace McSorley and other football players. Somehow I managed to get on camera because I was standing right behind Trace when they began his interview. My mom and brother were watching from home and saw me on TV! I thought I was on screen for a total of 10 seconds, but it turned out to be multiple minutes and there may or may not be footage of me eating pretzels on screen as I am woefully unaware of the fact that it was live.

A Very Park Place Non-Denominational Holiday Party

My roommates and I threw a Christmas/Hanukkah gathering at our apartment. There was mistletoe and a lot of Mariah Carey music. Some of the funniest moments and some of the most irritating moments came from this night…it is definitely one I won’t ever forget!

The Price is Right in LA

There are so many memories that I could name from my time in Los Angeles, but one that comes straight to mind was my company’s outing to a taping of The Price is Right. It was a full day away from the office, and one of my co-workers was called up to play. If I ever need to smile I’ll look at the photo of all of my department with our big Price is Right name tags on.

Penn State Baseball Potato Sack Race

I was chosen to participate in a potato sack race during one of the breaks during a Penn State baseball game. It was a poor scene for everyone.

Jonas Brothers take Champs Part 2

I had missed the Jonas Brothers’ first visit to State College the previous spring, so when the rumor was floating that they would once again grace Champs after their concert in the following fall, I took full advantage. It may have involved hours upon hours of waiting in a mass of students, but I got closer to Joe and Nick than I ever will again and it was certainly a night to remember.

State Pattys 2020

The last hurrah before everything changed! I’m so glad to have had this time with my friends before we all left indefinitely, and I am hoping more than anything that we will all be able to see each other again sometime sooner rather than later.

Productive Week

This past week was probably the busiest one since quarantine began (though that’s probably not saying much) and it felt good to be in a routine with set times for things to do. I hate to wish time away, but I am looking forward to being on the other side of this – whatever that may look like – and I find that having these routines gives my life enough structure that it feels like time is passing by at an appropriate rate, rather than ticking by slowly and monotonously.

One of the things that I am most proud of that came out of this week was my CommAgency team’s hard work. For those that don’t know, CommAgency is Penn State’s student-run video production agency, and where I work as a part-time job. Each semester a team of five members are matched with a paying client who has a video project idea that they want us to bring to life. When we left for spring break, my team had only filmed a few of the interviews that we had scheduled for the semester and we hadn’t gotten the chance yet to film b-roll. For these reasons, it was a really daunting task to create videos for our client without all of the footage that we had intended to get. It was even more daunting of a task to do the editing remotely, because if we had been back at Penn State, we would have been able to meet at the computers in the agency room and go through the editing process together. So, we had to tackle the projects from a different angle. Despite the adjustments, our team was able to create rough cuts of the video and send them to our clients, who were extremely happy with the product, especially in the remote environment. We felt really good about how we made the most of the situation at hand, and even better when our clients expressed their satisfaction.

I also finished the first draft of my thesis this week! It has been a long and effortful process, so it felt really rewarding to put the “Fade to Black. The End.” at the end of the first draft of my screenplay. The screenplay ended up being around 107 pages, which would equate to an approximately 1 hour, 47 minute long movie. Up next comes the editing process, which I know will require a lot of re-writing and re-arranging, but I really do want to make the final draft as good as it can possibly be. I am proud of the story and the work that I have put in, and I want to have a successful and entertaining final product to show for it.

Love in the Time of COVID-19

Okay, so I’m definitely stealing the title of this blog post from many things I’ve seen and heard recently – it’s a short story title, a magazine column title, and a rip from Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s novel “Love in the Time of Cholera.” But, I love love and I love talking about things that make me feel warm and fuzzy these days to offset all the bad I seem to hear every time I turn on the news these days, so why not write about it?

Well, let me start out by saying that love in the time of COVID-19 is not all warm and fuzzy and wonderful. Love in the time of COVID-19 is HARD. I’m not just talking about romantic love; I’m talking about friend love and family love, too. I’m the kind of person who conveys how much I love through quality time and in-person actions. The times that I feel love the strongest are when I’m baking cookies and watching bad movies with my friends, or getting together with extended family for a BBQ, or giving a long hug to those I cherish the most. COVID-19 is denying me these seemingly simple pleasures of love, and that’s why it is so hard.

I absolutely love talking to my friends over zoom and facetime, but there’s a feeling of something being a little bit off…like when we accidentally talk over each other and have to repeat ourselves, or have audio problems, or have screen lags when we try to watch movies. It’s those little moments – even when we can shake them off easily and move on – that remind me how things aren’t quite the same, and can never quite be the same as being together in person. And I talk to my boyfriend for over an hour every night, but it gets harder and harder each day to have to press the “end call” button and feel the suddenly overwhelming awareness of being completely alone.

But this post was intended to be positive, so I want to make it that way. Yes, talking over zoom and facetime might not be the same, but how lucky am I to have that possibility? How awesome is it that I have friends who can carry on conversations for hours about the most random things? How grateful am I to have someone who loves me in any circumstance and always goes the extra mile to make me feel that way?

Every single person has to adapt to these new and ever-changing times, and the way we approach and disseminate love has had to change radically as well. But I feel that love that I crave so much every time we have a zoom call with my extended family, or my friends and I stream movies together, or when I’m able to talk about anything and everything with those who are closest to me and know everything about me. And I feel love every time I see something good in the news – the glimmer of light and hope on the horizon that can feel so so dark sometimes.

If anything, Love in the time of COVID-19 is a story about persistence, resilience, adaptation, and making things work as best as we can because it’s worth it.

Things to Be Thankful For

As a senior who graduates in May, our very unusual circumstances at this point are obviously hitting me very hard. I’ve had many emotional breakdowns thinking about all of the lasts that I won’t be able to experience, and the worst part has been the not knowing when I left for spring break that my return to State College – the place that has become a home after 3.5+ years – would be uncertain. But despite the fact that this is a very emotional time, I have tried my best to consciously change my outlook and focus on the things that I am thankful for: the things that I have rather than the things that I miss. I want to make this blog post a refreshing list of things that I can think about rather than becoming upset every time I log onto Facebook and see another “Dear Seniors, I’m Sorry” shared article.

The weather

This may be a strange one to start out on, because I know a lot of people would opt for these circumstances to happen at a different time of year, but I’m trying to see the positives of the spring timing. It’s often sunny and the temperature is mild, meaning that I’m still able to go outside for walks, runs, and to play tennis. Even though I am not able to go to hometown friends’ houses (for very good reason), I have still been able to meet up with a couple of my friends in outdoor settings and catch up on life while maintaining that 6-foot social distance. If this were all happening during the dead of winter when the sky falls dark at 5:00 pm and the air is too cold for even a quick walk, I think my mood would be significantly worse.

Having a comfortable home

This is something that I cannot take for granted. A lot of people do not have the option to spend this time in a cozy and comfortable home with supportive family members who are fun to hang out with. One of my roommates at Penn State is from Panama, and she was literally not able to return to her home country because there is a travel ban in place. So, while I have people to keep me company and a cozy home to spend all of my time in, she must remain in State College uncertain of when she will be able to see her family again. I know that there are others in this situation, so I am grateful every day for the position that I am in and I will not take that for granted. 

The health of my family members

 Knock on wood! My family members remain happy and healthy. My grandparents are opting to stay inside so as not to put themselves at risk, and the rest of my family members are doing the same except when it is essential to run an errand. My dad is immunocompromised, so we have to take extra precaution in these trying times, but as of now, he is healthy. If the worst thing that we are feeling from this pandemic is stir crazy, then that in itself is something to be extremely thankful for.

Having my own room

 A small one, but something to point out nonetheless. It’s been four years since I’ve had my own bedroom. I love my roommate to death, but you can’t argue that it’s nice sometimes to have a place all to yourself to spend time to yourself in. I have really been basking in this newfound ability to have guiltless alone time. At school, I always felt the need to get out and do things constantly whether it was socially or academically. These circumstances have almost forced me to relax and take time for myself, and I am grateful for the chance to take a step back and be selfish in my boringness.

Access to technology

This is a huge one. As annoying as online classes are, at least we have the option to do online classes and still get our degree. As much as I would love to spend time with my friends in person, at least we have the option to video chat and stay updated on each other’s lives. Technology allows us to do so many things that can make this crazy new life livable. I don’t know how I would stay sane without all of the Netflix that I’ve been watching!

The Great British Baking Show

Number one tip to stay positive in these times? Watch the Great British Baking Show. Need I say more?

Listening Not Just to Respond

The article “You Are Either Listening or You’re Not” opens with the line “listening is endangered in America today,” and that caught my attention immediately. It goes on to say that listening, truly listening to what someone says is not something that we were ever taught but we were just expected to know. With time, we are all expected to develop the skill that is taking a step back and really hearing what someone else has to say rather than just listening for the sake of thinking of something to respond back. When I really think about it, and think about past experiences and past conversations that I’ve had, I realize that this skill is not something that develops at the same pace in everyone. Some people are the best listeners (and therefore the best people to talk to, in my opinion), and some people treat nearly every conversation like a race to get to their own personal point.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m the best listener in the world. Admittedly, I like to talk about myself and relate situations to things that I have experienced. But I am noticing this in myself and trying to be more conscious about it. I’ve been developing my listening skill through this realization and I tell myself that some conversations – especially those in which the other person has sought me out specifically to tell me about a problem of their own – should really remain focused on the other person. I tell myself that some conversations do not require a relatable anecdote or honest advice; sometimes, they just need someone on the other end who will listen.

I do think that the era that we live in has made it harder to truly focus and listen. With the ample distractions that surround us on a day to day basis, it is so easy for our minds to wander and wonder and not retain the attention span necessary to carry on a simple conversation. For example, my friend from high school visited this weekend – I hadn’t seen her in months – and despite the fact that I am actually very interested in what she’s been up to and how her life has been since the time that we last saw each other, I still found myself distracted by the devices and people around me. A text will pop up on my phone and I’ll immediately lose some of the focus that I had on a conversation, and I’ll noticed myself missing a few words and phrases here and there because I’m preoccupied thinking about what the message says on my device. For all of these reasons, I am trying to make more and more of a conscious effort to unplug and be as present as possible when I am listening to the people that I care about most.

One other part of the article that I was drawn to was the paragraph talking about how listening begins with humility – “the humility to ask an earnest question without assuming you already know the answer.” That is one of the things that I love most about getting to know new people: I want to know more about their lives and experiences and hear things that I am not already aware of. Why, then, in these conversations should I be anything less than the best listener I could strive to be? Learning is primarily listening, and as someone constantly hungry for more knowledge, it would serve me well to focus more and more each day on developing this essential life skill.

All These Wonders

I am almost done reading a book called The Moth Presents: All These Wonders. It was given to me this summer by my supervisor at my internship, which meant so much to me because it felt so personal and meaningful. Inside the front cover, she had left me a note, with the ultimate message being to find the power in the uncertainty. As someone who has a later job application process than most and who still doesn’t know what I will be doing with my life after graduation, I am reassured every time I read this message. It reminds me to make the most of every moment and to embrace life’s uncertainties rather than fear them.

But let’s get back to the book. I highly recommend it to anyone who finds themselves with little free time to read during college but still misses the nostalgic and comforting feeling of turning physical pages and letting your mind paint a picture of different worlds. All These Wonders is an anthology book comprised of various short stories, which are real and true and told from the authentic point of view of those who lived through them. The Moth is a non-profit group based in New York City that was founded with the purpose of bringing interesting people to tell their stories in front of audiences of eager listeners. This book is the transcribed version of these stories, each told at a different Moth event with a different theme. I have yet to look up videos of these talks online and I wonder if hearing them would give me a very different experience than reading them, but I do like the fact that I can hang onto every detail with the written word.

These stories present such a wide variety of experiences, and while reading them I have experienced an incredibly wide range of emotions: heartbreak, hilarity, fear, discomfort, joy, and more. It’s almost jarring to flip the page to the next story, because I could be reading about a dorky prom experience and then immediately be presented with the life story of a child soldier who moved to America. It keeps me alert and interested, though, and I am humbled time and time again after reading. This book has made me think so many times about how lucky I am.

There are stories from David Bowie’s hairdresser, from an individual who narrowly escaped death at a concentration camp, from a mother helping her transgender daughter transition, and so many more. It’s rare for me to be as riveted by a book as I am with this one, and though I have been reading it over a period of months, it’s only a matter of seconds that I am sucked in after opening the book once more.

I highly recommend All These Wonders to anyone looking for a variety of fresh perspectives. I promise you will not regret it!

Just One Year Ago

I have to admit, I really enjoy Snapchat’s feature that allows you to see “memories” from a specific day in years past. Each morning I am able to see photos and videos from a year, two years, or three years before, and often times it brings me right back to that moment and has me in shock because it doesn’t feel like that long at all has passed since then. Now that we are in the spring semester, I’ve been seeing a lot of memories from my time in Los Angeles last spring semester, and I’ve really been reflecting on the notion that so much can change in just one year.

Just one year ago, I had recently begun my west coast adventure, and I was so excited but so lost at the same time. Of course, my social media only reflected the best of times, and my texts and phone calls to my friends at home were full of optimism and ambition rather than the difficulties of being transplanted to an environment that was entirely unfamiliar to me. On my first day of work at my internship, I remember posting a bunch of photos showing how cool my office looked, but I also remember coming home and crying to my mom on the phone because of how far away I felt and how overwhelming everything was just on day one.

There were plenty of hard times but there were plenty of good times, and I’m thankful that these “one year ago” memories are only the times full of fun that I wanted to remember. It makes me realize so much how true the sentiment is that when you look back at something, it’s so much easier to remember the good things than the bad things. Think of it like a break-up: when someone ends a relationship with you, you often find yourself upset and pining over the things that you miss, rather than focusing on the things that were wrong. Knowing that this is what I am doing whenever I look at pictures from Los Angeles, I try to tell myself that – even whenever I say I would love to be back in the warm weather – I already had that incredible experience, and right now, I am where I am supposed to be.

After I came back from Los Angeles, I spent my summer in New York, went on vacations with my family, had a semester back in State College, experienced a relaxing winter break, and now I’m back for my final semester here. Just one year ago I had no idea of the changes and growth that I would go through to get me to the point that I am right now. I had no idea which friendships would form and which would decay. I didn’t know what my final year would bring at Penn State, and in many ways, I still don’t know what’s to come. All I can be certain of is the fact that in one year, I will look back at this blog post with a year full of new experiences that will change me and mold me and make me the person that I am constantly on my way to becoming.

Semester Reflections

I can’t believe that this semester is nearing its end and that before I know it, I will be in my last semester as a student at Penn State. It pains me to even say those words! I am starting to feel the itch, though, to get out into the real world beyond the State College bubble and start to make a difference working in an area that I enjoy. It feels like both forever ago and just yesterday that this semester was beginning, and since that time back in August, I have learned many valuable things about myself and others that I know I will be taking with me far past my time at this university.

It’s okay to drift.

There are some friendships that I had steadfastly maintained since early freshman year that have become more distant just in this one semester. There are many factors at play that cause this – differing schedules, changing friend groups, convenience, diverse interests, etc. – and though it is sad to look back at what once was and realize that it isn’t anymore, I have to recognize that this is natural. As the years tick on and my network of friends expands and changes, it’s impossible to keep up all relationships in the same way. That doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate what we shared and continue to share, and the memories will never rot.

I have to say no sometimes.

I wrote a different blog post about this a little while back, but it’s important to emphasize again because this is a lesson that has been ever-present this semester. It’s a lesson I have begun learning in both my academic and personal life. When it comes to group projects, I’ve always been the kind of person to take on more than I should so that I know that it will get done. But this semester, with the ample group projects that require far more work than a single person would be able to accomplish, I need to be better at trusting others to pull their weight and be able to say no when I feel as though I already have too much on my plate. As for my personal life, there are plenty of times when I commit to doing things just because I want to make others happy or because I don’t want to miss out. This semester, I have really been trying to focus on what it is that I want to do and understand that if I say no to this or that, it won’t ruin any relationships or make me less of a friend.

Love rocks.

And I mean all kinds of love. I feel love and support from my family every single day. My dad texts me how proud he is of me and gets emotional every single time we have to say good-bye. My mom is my hero – she does more for me than anyone else in this world, always there to give me advice, answer my questions, or just listen to me vent whenever I need to. My friends are constant. I feel so happy knowing that there will always be someone around to laugh with, watch movies and drink wine with, and have deep chats with. I will miss my friends dearly when I leave Penn State, but I know that the connections I’ve made here will extend far past graduation. And then there’s Corey. I’m not sure how I can put into words the impact that he has had on me over the past year, but I will say that he has made me fall in love with myself at the same time that I fell in love with him. I never knew that a love like this would come with so much support, reassurance, trust, joy, and fun. He brought me out of a funk and made me the happiest version of myself.

Here’s to a final semester of learning as much as I can!

Why Can’t I Just Do it Already?

I have been a writer my entire life. Writing, specifically creative writing, is one of the things I am most passionate about and is where I find some of my greatest joy. It brings me happiness, a sense of creativity, a feeling of accomplishment. So, if creative writing brings me all of this positivity and is easy to do with just my laptop or a notebook, why can’t I freaking do it already?

My aunt is an author and inspired me to write from a young age. She would buy me blank bound books and I would fill them with whimsical stories and poor-but-colorful illustrations. By the time I reached middle school, I had quite the collection of self-authored books. One of my favorites was entitled “Cats Know How to Build Sandcastles.” I remember the joy that I got from independent writing time in fifth grade and the passion and energy I put toward my story “The Woman with the Red Umbrella.” I submitted stories and poems to the youth magazine “Stone Soup” time and time again, and though I never was accepted, the fiery passion within me was never dulled.

In middle school I started writing my first novel, called “Nowhere.” The idea was one that I continued to develop, until the final iteration of many became a full-fledged storyline with dynamic characters, subplots, and settings that I could envision in my mind. The world around me became a breeding ground for thoughts and ideas – every person I interacted with became an inspiration for a character, every place I visited became a potential setting. Long car rides and hikes and the period before I fell asleep each night became my favorite times to think about tying up loose ends in my plot or introducing a new obstacle in the storyline.

I kept writing as I moved into high school, bringing my writer’s notebook with me to classes and jotting ideas down during homeroom or after finishing assignments early. Creative writing was my outlet, my energy source, my go-to activity whenever I had free time. I talked about my novel in my Common App essay. I took a creative writing class for no credit in high school and went there during my lunch periods just so that I could be filled with inspiration and workshop ideas with the people around me.

Writing all of this now makes me feel nostalgic for the days when this was how I would fill my free time. It wasn’t work when it was the thing that I loved to do most. Now, in college, I am inundated with so much work and so many assignments and projects each week that I dedicate my free time to turning off my brain and unwinding with an episode of TV or time spent with friends. I wish more than anything that I could go back to my high school mindset, whip out my writer’s notebook, and let the thoughts flow as freely as they used to. I still have the same novel idea in mind, and the iterations continue, yet even when I do hit a stride these days, they are rare and they fizzle out easily.

Why can’t I just do it? What will it take for me to get back to that passion? I still dream about a future as an author, traveling to book signings, getting to work every day doing what I love most and waking up each morning excited about what I can create. I’m following a career path that will hopefully allow me to have a similar sense of creativity, but I can’t shake this dream that’s always been within me about writing books of my own and seeing people excited to read the words that came from my mind.

Maybe there will be a time when the motivation returns to me naturally, and I don’t have to feel like I’m forcing myself to do what I love. I hope it does. I miss the worlds that I created.

People Pleaser

Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time saying no to things? Do you constantly worry about making sure that the people in your life are happy? Do you do all of the above?

I’m definitely in the “all of the above” category, and something tells me that a lot of other PLAers would be, too. I have the perfect storm of attributes that puts me firmly in the category of constantly trying to please everyone. First of all, I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to the work I do – for classes, for jobs, for clubs, for life. I don’t like completing a task knowing that I didn’t give the absolute most effort I could. Sometimes this is considered “going above and beyond” and other times it is considered “extra,” but I’m fully aware of and embrace both titles.

I am also way too concerned with what other people think about me. I will admit that one hundred percent. My mind at any given moment is moving a thousand miles per hour, wondering what the people in my immediate vicinity are thinking about me. Do they think my outfit’s weird? Am I talking too loudly? Am I generally sticking out in any way? And while those thoughts are running through my mind, I’m also constantly thinking of the outer circle – those not in my immediate vicinity but those whose opinions I care deeply about. And the list of those people is long. I find myself constantly worrying about something I said to this person a week ago or something I did to that person a month ago. Did they take it the wrong way? Do they find me annoying? Do they think I’m a good person? Do they think I’m funny? Did I come on too strong?

So, this combination of perfectionism and concern for others’ perceptions leads me to strive every single day to be a people pleaser. If I am asked to do something, I have an extremely hard time saying no. I find myself putting in far more work than others in certain group situations because I’m afraid of not pulling my weight. I’m constantly texting my friends to make sure that everything is okay and I feel like it’s my responsibility to mend things when it’s not – even if the problems have nothing to do with me.

This past week was a very stressful one for me precisely because I needed to people-please. I’m working as a producer on three different film projects – two for a class that I’m in and one for my job at a production agency. I realize that I got myself into this chaos by committing myself to these roles, but this week was over-the-top in the amount of work that I had to do for each project. I had to complete multiple time-consuming assignments for both student projects, print and compile production binders with all of the assignments we had completed during the year, and schedule meetings with our professor. For my job, we are working with Penn State Athletics as our client, and I had to schedule and participate in shoots around the BJC/Beaver Stadium and schedule interviews with student athletes. There are so many hoops to jump through with this project that I found myself sending over 50 emails this week, and because I needed to be prompt, I would be sending them on my way to class, or on the bus, or in between different meetings. It felt like I never had a moment to relax.

My reason for saying all of this – other than the fact that I just needed to vent – is that this past week made me realize that I can’t always please everyone and things are not always going to be perfect. I forgot to include important information in some emails, I didn’t complete certain assignments on time, and I misunderstood directions. I realized that sometimes I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself when I can rely on other people. And I realized that sometimes I just need to take a step back and say “no.” If I can’t do something, I can’t do it. The world will not stop turning and my reputation won’t be shattered. It’s something that’s easier said than done, especially with my previously explained perfect storm, but that’s just another lesson that I want to focus on learning during my senior year before I head off to work in the real world.